kalawakan.blogspot.com

Corpse pose

2011-06-02T13:35:00.000+08:00

Since I've been blogging about real, concrete things (i.e. books and events) and not about my misdirected, teenage feelings and shit, I will now blog about yoga.

I've started doing bikram yoga last Monday and I'm fully decided on making this a yoga week. Haven't missed a single class yet so this means this week is actually the first time I've had enough discipline to stick with a workout. Oh sorry, yoga isn't a workout, "it's a way of discovering yourself and your body" - my Yogi bear.

ps. the title refers to one of my favorite yoga poses.

Hi. school stuff.

2011-06-02T00:55:00.001+08:00

Hello. Imma be postin' here again! So, life has been good. Not really in the mood to blog about this. obviously.

In other news,

I'm starting law school on the 14th.
aaaaand, yessir we have homework already.

k. chill lang.

#yabang #bwiset

so. what happened with my (scholarly) life:

oh. I graduated.

me. with THE father Ben and pa.

with ze EU majors people.

Also got my minor degree in French studies!

zzzzzz. kakatamad mag blog.

Stoicism 101 under the sun

2011-05-22T19:19:00.003+08:00

Bought this book on Kindle right before our flight to Caticlan last week. (The convenience of the Kindle 3G technology! Books whenever and wherever I want them.) Just thought I needed an appropriate book to support the 5-day-chille-beach-life I was planning to have.

A Guide to To The Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine

I was originally planning on getting an Alain de Botton book, unfortunately only three of his books were available in Kindle and I've read them already. :(

Given its philosophical topic, the book is a fairly easy read. Before this book, my introduction to Stoicism were limited to (1) a lecture about Roman politics for my Political Philosophy class two years ago and (2) to de Botton's essays on Seneca. Despite of this, the book was very reader-friendly, even for "lay people" like me. Irvine provides a very interesting background on the history of Stoic philosophers and then continues on to explain oftenly misconstrued Stoic values and how they apply in our specific contexts.

Me, browsing for non-fiction books on ze kindle. Thanks, Red for documenting my airport life.

We need to take steps to prevent ourselves from taking for granted, once we get them, the things we worked so hard to get.

I do think I need a little hint of stoicism in my philosophy of life. Not that I even have a consistent one. But with my impulsive tendencies and an inclination for everything short-term (i.e. hassle later is better than hassle now), stoicism will probably do me wonders. This philosophy basically involves taking control and taking responsibility for one's own happiness. We're dealt with things we can and cannot control. Getting frustrated and upset by the latter isn't practical. Chapters are devoted to explaining how one can avoid envy, anger and other futile things we problem ourselves with by living out Stoic values. Okay, it sounds like a lame self-help book, it's not, okay.

Aside from its fatalistic character (the author did take big, convincing arguments in defending this) I could say I agree with the Stoic school of thought. Still, in the end, different philosophies apply to different people. And more often than not, it's probably more likely that we'll end up with one that's a product of different thinkers and eras.

...to enjoy what we have without clinging to it. This in turn means that by practicing negative visualization, we can not only increase our chances of experiencing joy but increase the chance that the joy we experience will be durable, that it will survive changes in our circumstances.

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Can I just say, I lost my phone and my iPod in Boracay. Irvine was a very very appropriate read to help me deal with the stupidity and the loss.

Sabi nga ng stoics:

we should periodically interrupt our enjoyment of what life has to offer to spend time contemplating the loss of whatever it is we are enjoying

It's only a good thing if you make it a good thing.

2010-12-27T20:22:00.000+08:00

Green light, Jamie Lidell

2010-10-09T13:11:00.002+08:00

ben affleck. enough said.

game time

2010-09-24T23:30:00.005+08:00

The secret that you know, but don't know how to tell.

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19

2010-09-22T03:08:00.003+08:00

"So take the leap, hope against hope."
- Best advice I've got today. So apropos. On different levels.

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Laid back day.
Early start.
Couple of wins.
Friends.

Sumasakto lang lahat.

:)

Feelin the love! <3

home from Ilustrado meeting/dinner

2010-09-17T01:57:00.000+08:00

I think masaya magkaroon ng book club. Game? game??
HA. NERD.

2010-09-01T02:17:00.001+08:00

Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time

and here we find ourselves again. :)

2010-08-31T00:20:00.005+08:00

with the team (incomplete!) Laguna. August 28-29

with my fellow seniors!! (San napunta si Ice?) (and with ze med school student).

at dahil mukha akong payat sa picture sa left. good job.

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Bonded with some of the freshmen and rookies too. But I think I'm the new one in the team given how I've been gone for two years. hahahaha.

Guess I missed being with these people. Definitely some of the best ones I've met in college and also the first few friends I had in Ateneo! hahaha. Freshman days and training everyday. Parang kelan lang. :))

Much has been said

2010-08-25T02:29:00.001+08:00

About the recklessness displayed by the police and the media; about all the usiseros who surrounded the bus; the negotiator. We argue with our friends, we share our anger, we say how hopeless the entire system is.

Easy way outs.

Let's not make it worse as it already is.

Nakakapagod na rin magsalita at manisi. Kasi nakakapagod maghugas-kamay.

After a few weeks, another crisis will come up, anger and emotions will swell up again, new topics will trend in twitter, all the would'ves and the could'ves will flood our walls.

Aaah, us and our cycles and our amnesia.

Meanwhile.
Venus Raj, thank you for the refreshing show. Major major thank you.

2010-08-24T00:10:00.003+08:00

I can listen to this for the rest of my life.

Nostalgia isn't healthy. But still!!

2010-08-20T02:31:00.005+08:00

Lilai posted some pictures a while ago from our sophomore year in high school!! Nakakatawaaaa.

Camping 2004. That's me with the blue cap and the red Old Navy shirt. HAHAHA I miss all the scouting troops I've been with since grade school! haha. All the mud, bamboo tents, ghosts, badges, cooking with the barest essentials, improvised showers etc.

my goodness.

December 2004.

There's 13 year old me. Weird pa rin. Buti na lang mas weirdo katabi ko! hahahaha.

I asked her to scan the pictures individually para mas clear! haha demanding ako e.

Theater therapy.

2010-08-20T02:01:00.003+08:00

Just got home after watching Cats in CCP.

Highlights: Memory being sung in Filipino by an Australian. With perfect enunciation. Good job. And of course Lea Salonga, who plays the role of Grizabella.

“Liwanag, hanapin ang liwanag
Ang iyong ala-ala ang gabay na sundin
Sa liwanag, ligaya ay matatagpuan
Bagong buhay ay darating”

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I'm also catching PETA's production of Ang Post Office on Sunday.

Three plays in a week! Walang Sugat, Cats, and Ang Post Office.

2010-08-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from Rica Bolipata-Santos' essay, In the Beginning was the word. Published in Heights.

Filipino words are like cameras. They click on the context and attempt to render the entirety of it all. Kapatid -- not just brother or sister, but someone whose link I share with. Bahaghari -- not just rainbow, but a king so mighty that his undergarments moved across the skies, and filled it with color. Nagdadalang-tao -- not just pregnant, but actively carrying (not even a child) but a full human being. Maykapal -- not just God, but a dimension.

Ay Naku, we say. Susmaryosep, we encounter. Anak ng pating, we exclaim. And in the 70s it was the "patuka na lang ako sa ahas!" an expression I've always wished would return. And the ubiquitous "ano" that stands for anything and everything! It is noun, verb, adjective, direct object, symbol, metaphor, joke, the mish-mash of an entire world in a word.

O ano?, she said.

Pupunta lang ako sa ano, he said.

Anong bibilhin mo, she added.

Ano lang, yun lang, he explained.

And all was understood.

I sit here in my tiny room and try to find the perfect word for what sits in my heart. Ennui definitely. Angst always. Ngunit, puno ng pagsa, nananatili, nananahimik, na-uudyok mag-isip ng mabuti, at higit sa lahat, malalim ang tiwala sa kinabukasan.

I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ah

2010-08-18T21:00:00.006+08:00

And we eventually find ourselves here.

What to do what to do what to do what to do?

7 months 'til graduation!

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A couple of days ago, my friend texted me something he got while reading a book written by de Botton. A line in the book supposedly reminded him of me and my ranting.

"It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement."

So there. I feel justified.

2010-08-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

Why insist on an ahistorical truth that we can't use?!

Do we really need certain, objective and eternal "truths"?

Anong mali sa pagiging contingent ng katotohanan?
Wala naman diba?

e natuwa ako e.

2010-08-11T22:02:00.001+08:00

2010-08-11T21:29:00.007+08:00

http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/relationships/relationships/view/20100808-285501/My-daughters-letter-to-the-man-she-will-love-someday

Another link from my facebook wall.

hay nako.

Basta I know my future boyfriend will be someone who I can join Amazing Race with and win. Useless trivia, getting lost, foreign language, weird food (I think Filipino food gives your palette enough training), swimming rivers, shooting arrows, sleeping in airports or wherever. We'll have the best navigational skills and survival instincts. BUT. May girlfriend ka na!! Hindi mo ba nakikita how awesome we are with maps?! oh well. C'est la vie. I think I'll chicken out anyway if you said anything 'cos that's the way I roll. Hanggang happy crushes na walang direksiyon!

Saktong chismis lang in my blog. :))

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So. Back to Theo.

Oh and this article in my readings says something about the Creation before the Big Bang. Can I just say, TIME DID NOT EXIST BEFORE THE BIG BANG. and then he also tries to explain that doubt and mistrust, which popular media impose on society, reveals to us the wrong kind of Truth. Ang masasabi ko lang, DOUBT IS GOOD. At sino ba ang nagsasabi kung ano ang tama at maling katotohanan?

Ang totoo ay ang kasinungalingan ng katotohanan. . :|

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At ang issue of national interest ngayon ay:

2010-08-09T02:18:00.001+08:00

Si Robin Padilla at Mariel.

Oo, pinanood ko ang interview nila sa youtube after a friend tagged me about it in facebook. Ang 'di manood panget.

Sana alam ko kung ito nga talaga ang gusto ko.

2010-08-07T20:18:00.004+08:00

Para may pakialam ako kung gaano katagal bago magkasalubong ang train A at train B.

I missed you, Math!!!!! nat. :| sakto lang. I find word problems a bit enjoying. parang game.

Sana nabibili ang inspirasyon. At sana kaya ng sweldo ko. - @PatEvangelista 's twitter

2010-08-05T02:04:00.003+08:00

well. Kung ganoon sana kadali. Pero sabagay. Kaya nga masarap mabuhay. Dahil sa mga dagling sandali ng inspirasyon. meganon?!

BYE. matutulog na ko. nat.
Theology test tomorrow.

Aegies senior photoshoot sign ups tomorrow!!

2010-08-05T01:02:00.003+08:00

Sign-ups are tomorrow and the actual photoshoot will still be on the firstweek of September.

I still don't know what to do for my creative shot. HAHAHA

1. Make a seagull hat, make it look like it's dripping with oil. Make a gasoline hose and point at head. Make a signboard saying, "The death of oil". Para political kunwari.
2. Dress up as history. Dress up as repressed history. Maria Clara-like. Or Dress up as Urduja para "the triumph of the Filipino identity". pero pano yon? tapos lalagay ko yung sinabi ni Elias, "mamatay ako na di makikita ang liwanag blah blah"
3. Theban Sacred Band soldier. para walang effort.
4. Copy Wanda Sykes' Wall-street executive costume, but make it look like I'm a trapo politician. So parachute, bag full of money. I can't find a picture online!! It was what she wore in one of Ellen's halloween episodes.
5. Something channeling Mad Men. pero parang boring.

GIMME MORE IDEAS PLEASE.

Oh, and I also have no ideas for my yearbook write-up. I want it in Tagalog. I want to sound very matanglawin-y. para pretentious. Nat. Mas okay yata ang pretentiousness ng Tagalog kesa Ingles no. Mas out there.

----------------------------------------------------
Lit exam a couple of hours ago.

DEATHHHHH. My braiiiin.

ume-Aegis sa som mall.

2010-08-03T23:41:00.005+08:00

O, ano, sinong manghuhusga? :))

Gusto ko mag videoke pagkatapos ng linggong ito!!!!!

Went to mass yesterday. He.

2010-08-03T01:22:00.002+08:00

Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring.

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Actually, I attended a baptism. Still counted, yes?

Laws of motion na lang. mas comfortable ako with that.

faithhhh

2010-07-29T03:08:00.005+08:00

In my quest of exploring and actually thinking about my religion and my spirituality, (and in the quest of finishing this theology paper regarding Christian happiness and despair), I must say that reading Kierkegaard is working more for me than reading Timothy Radcliffe. Timothy Radcliffe's What is the point of being Christian (creative title no?) is our required reading for my theology class this semester.

Being able to despair is an infinite merit.

I rarely go to church. (note: rarely, is an understatement). Thus, too much anecdotes and explanations dependent on the story of Jesus Chrsit and His life will not help me understand because I'm not fully reconciled with the strength of resting my belief on just taking seemingly logical connections based on Jesus Christ and his life. Does not seem acceptable enough. (oh my Lord, BLASPHEMY. I am blasphemous Natividad is going to kill me.) What I mean is, it isn't a good starting point for beginners like me. hahahaha.

Camus and Kierkegaard make me understand my faith better. Kung ano mang faith 'tong faith ko. basta mas umaayos buhay ko. hahaha. progress pa rin to maskipapano.

Basta alam ko, there's a point in believing because it explains why we keep on living despite of all the absurdities.

---------------------------------

Kierkegaard wins.

I started getting into Kierkegaard after my th131 last semester. I loved that class. and my prof. Life changing mehn. 'Twas actually more like a philo class. 5am oral exams at LST!! champion!

stuff from my notes

2010-07-29T02:18:00.000+08:00

when in doubt, ask yourself:

para kanino at tungo saan

Forego the parable

2010-07-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

Chillin' like a villain

2010-07-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

sweet darling -- She & Him

gratuitous picture of myself on a non-Wednesday GPOMNW

2010-07-26T23:53:00.003+08:00

alam mo yung sabaw at na-ignorante sa Webcam?

the "wait-lang-para-kita-mata-ko" picture.

ALREADY DONE WITH ERIC GAMALINDA BOOYEAH

benevolent assimilation, you say?

depressing American occupation history is depressing.

and frustrating. ang tatanga. buwiset. Aguinaldo and friends. Sarap hampasin ng kawayan. Si Dewey rin.

Isabay mo pa sa My Sad Republic.

naufragio

matutulog na meeee.

so apropos

2010-07-26T20:44:00.004+08:00

Exams are coming up!! I find I'm more productive if I study somewhere else, like school, or a coffee shop. Just not at home because I easily get tempted to sleep instead. I've noticed how Starbucks, the one in Shopwise, never update their playlist. They have like a 13-track (or something) CD playing over and over. .

So I made a kape-aral playlist. Though I don't really drink coffee anymore. Tea convert right here! It's basically filled with John Mayer, Dylan, Kings of Convenience, Beth Rowley, Bon Iver, She & Him, Norah Jones, and songs from Mad Men and An Education. Also, scattered tracks of obvious French chansons, Edith Piaf and friends. Those that remind you of smoky lounges back in the day. a la Mad Men. and An Education. err. yeah.

Whoo! Sarap mag-aral pag umuulan!

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I want a galette. Too poor for a galette.

mabuhay ang Pilipinas! haha

2010-07-26T17:22:00.002+08:00

twitter trending topics worldwide

Ang mandato nating nakuha sa huling eleksyon ay patunay na umaasa pa rin ang Pilipino sa pagbabago. Iba na talaga ang situwasyon. Puwede na muling mangarap. Tayo nang tumungo sa katuparan ng ating mga pinangarap.

I listened to President Aquino's first SONA on the radio while stuck in traffic along Commonwealth Avenue. From 10 lanes, only 2 were passable.

Sana 'to na talaga. Sarap maging Filipino e.

ps. I can also hear the rally going on in Commonwealth from my house. It served as my alarm clock this morning.
Very loud. I guess this is how democracy sounds like.

may pasok kase, mga tamad. haha

2010-07-25T19:58:00.002+08:00

SA MGA NAGASASABING DAPAT WALANG PASOK

pinoytumblr:

thedealmasen:
Kasi gusto n’yo mapanood ang SONA ni Pangulong Noynoy, fail kayo kasi:
May replay
May dyaryo
AT MAY INTERNET!!
Kung gusto n’yo bumili pa kayo sa Quiapo ng DVD
Pero pwede rin namang um-absent.
Please, wag nalang mag dahilan. FAIL KASI E.

rain all day and I really really really don't mind.

2010-07-25T15:02:00.001+08:00

spending this rainy Sunday afternoon with the patrick z. waiting for mcdo delivery and watching nat geo.
Fat day. fat fat fat day.

2010-07-24T02:39:00.004+08:00

...For I am falser than vows made in wine

- Rosalind, As You Like It

There's a reason why this is my favourite Shakespearean play. Quite an odd choice, given how the tragedies are always put above the rest. oh well. I always preferred his comedies and histories more.

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Anyway, how about a picture of my very first paycheck!!

Ateneo pays me for being such a good student.

ang cheap ng services ko. hahahaha.

I volunteered to help with the logistics for this academic fellowship conference thing, and may sweldo pa lang 600 pesos per day. Should've gone there more often! hahaha.

tsaa

2010-07-22T22:43:00.009+08:00

Woke up at around 3 this afternoon. Checked my phone and saw a couple of missed calls from friends who called hours earlier. Missed movie and lunch plans. again.

So I went down, ate lunch. Proceeded to the coffee shop after doing the groceries. Finished Alain de Botton's A Week at the Airport, which a friend lent me yesterday.

Got to do a VERY DETAILED outline (with commentaries to boot) of Pagden's Worlds at War for my Ambassador Manalo class. hahaha. tapos nakaaral pa ko ng Philo.

Fairly productive if you think about how I wasted half of the day sleeping.

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reading: Anthony Pagden's Worlds at War. Aside from that, WALA. I should be starting on Eric Gamalinda's My Sad Republic but I can't find a copy in National and in Fullybooked. Why the hell isn't it in book stores?? It won the Centennial Literary prize in 1998!! :(

Stuff I would still do all over again number 1

2010-07-21T00:10:00.008+08:00

disclaimer: super biased entry below.

okay, so: Stuff I would still do all over again number 1
1. Public school education

Not that I actually chose that during that time, hello. what is 6 years old lang ako. But I'll still do it all over again.

If ever I have a kid, I would want him/her to study in a public school for at least some time. Hindi pwedeng hindi.

I'm learning to appreciate all the things I've been immersed to for 10 years, now that I'm here in Ateneo. Iba pa rin talaga. Most of the growth I've gone through is probably because of the places I've been to and the people I've been with thanks to my elementary school (yes that's what we call it, hindi grade school) and my high school.

Scouting, work ed, "travelling" care of press conferences and sports meets. etc.

Naranasan mo na bang dumayo sa ibang lugar para sa home team mo at maligo sa banyo na gawa sa sako tapos ang sahig mo, lupa? ako rin. Some of the best years of my life! hahahaha. (This can count as stuff-I'd-still-do-all-over-again number 2.)

Naaalala ko, laging kulang na kulang sa suporta ang Kalinga delegation from the provincial government. Kaya lagi kaming kulang sa tubig, equipment, resources. Tapos mukhang tinipid yung mga uniform namin pag tinapat mo sa Baguio, sa Benguet etc. haha. You're left to your own devices kaya sa tingin ko, matututo ka talaga.

public school = para siyang Walden. masaya. laging profound.

aside from the experiences, I think I got a very good academic formation from my school. As in I can confidently say that we're just as competitive as people from private schools. lalo na in the maths and sciences. Ako siguro hindi lagi, pero yung mga classmates ko noon na mas nerds OO. hahaha.

That's why I get hurt (hurt talaga yung word e no) when people write off public school students as bobo and ignorant. (may ganong drama?) Mali-mali man text books namin, may utak naman rin siguro yung mga estudyante at mga teacher para i-tama yung error. At masaya yatang mag edit ng libro! haha

I love you parents for believing in this country's public education system!

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p.s. I think there's some value in studying in secular and liberal educational institutions. It really allows and encourages students to choose their leanings freely. I can say that for myself at least. Wala lang, I think that's important.

If done right, I think public schools can actually introduce young people to more opportunities. BUT. WHAT IS 3% LANG OF THE COUNTRY'S GDP IS ALLOTED FOR EDUCATION? so I guess you can't really blame people for negatively stereotyping public schools. let's do something about this Pres Aquino!

You can see why I'm really worried with Aquino appointing Bro. Luistro for the dep Ed post. I hope he remembers that education should always be, again, secular and liberal.

Everything happens in the morning

2010-07-18T23:06:00.003+08:00

“It was morning when the Spanish long boats sailed from Cebu to Mactan.” She paused, looked thoughtful, and went on: “Everything in this country happens in the morning.”

Shocked, Clarissa could only ask: “Why?”

And the child replied: “Because it is a country of beginnings.”

- Anna Villaverde, State of War by Ninotchka Rosca

This country — it has no continuity. It is only a country of beginnings. No one remembers.

for quasi-unplanned-almost-abandoned Bastille day reunions. sakto lang before midterm stress!!!

2010-07-18T02:48:00.005+08:00

back to thesis.

Cordillera, region of wonder, hail!!

2010-07-15T12:31:00.004+08:00

hahaha remember how we used to sing that back in high school??

Happy Cordillera Day!!

Keep on Tryin'

2010-07-14T23:56:00.001+08:00

heard the song in Bones. loved it. hahaha. I think song is from the 70s. or the 60s.

Basyang

2010-07-14T23:12:00.006+08:00

Classes were suspended today due to typhoon Basyang. may kwento kasi siya. hahahaha. not funny? k.

Last night, the power went out. I later found out that there was s system blackout in the entire Metro Manila. :|

There wasn't really much rain. The strong winds were the problem. Falling posts, tree branches, debris, roofs flying off etc. Trains and communication signals were down. Haay nako, Manila.

I was watching an episode of Bones when the power went out and I got scared. Kumakanta na lang ako ng "Romeo save me, I am feeling so alone."hahahaha, di pa rin nakakatawa no?

So, I called up Ali and I went down to look for people. I have the entire house to myself so medyo creepy lang. Good thing I have this flashlight which I got as a gift from one of the construction companies I visited last summer, as part of my work for my OJT. I went out my house and saw four of my cousins with umbrellas and flashlights under the rain. Nagkasalubong-salubong lang, looking for people. They live alone as well.

Disasters bring people together. We got food delivered and we spent most of the early morning waiting for announcements from CHED and from schools.

The power went back up around noon, at least here in Quezon City. The power isn't stable though, electricity's flickering. News say power won't be back to normal until the weekend.

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Ateneo's such a loser. The announcement only came out around 8am this morning.

in other news,

WHAT PART OF "THIS IS NOT MY PRIORITY" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? I've made that very clear and I'm not going to feel guilty about not showing up often enough.

reading: Ninotcha Rosca's State of war. I'm not even half way through it!! Have to finish 300 pages by Friday.

Martial law novels = disturbing.

Senior year Bucket List!

2010-07-13T02:12:00.008+08:00

Attended Paglunsad today! Glad that I did because I almost did not go! hahaha. I'll miss Ateneo sentimental stuff like this.

1. Consistent DL sems!

2. Picture with Fr. Ben and Fr. Joey

3. Attend a mass at Gesu. (Yes, after four years at Ateneo, I've never gone to Gesu for a mass. I've only been to Gesu once and that was last year, and that was only because I needed to conduct a social experiment for one subject regarding the aesthetics of the building.

4. Get into UP law. (cos it's fun.)

5. Gusto kong ma-in love! HAHA

6. Umamin #$%^%$%^ crush na super gusto ko siya noon.

edit: pati na rin sa mga sumusunod: si "look at the stars, look how they shine for you" guy. (kahit ninakaw niya sa kanta, cute pa rin.) , to the person who I spent most of my first bonfire in muddy Bellarime with (Feeling ko lang na kaming dalawa yon but NAT), at kay feeling cristiano ronaldo guy. Uugh, I feel so shallow. AND I LIKE IT.

Okay, look, we only had 5 minutes to fill this up and, I got stuck at number 4. Then my friend and I decided to include something about lab to make it more interesting.

It's a fairly short list. I would've included the following but I already did them.

- Gumulong-gulong sa Bellarmine field.

- Mag picnic sa Bellarime field. (did this with my roommates after simbang gabi last year. Seeee, I went to Gesu for simbang gabi. But I went there AFTER the mass, and only to have a picnic with my roommates)

- small talk with the Fr. Joey, about sandwiches no less.

- Bonfire! (in Bellarmine and Irwin!)

- Watched the sun rise in Titanic!! (Titanic is what the roof top portion of the Loyola School of Theology is called)

- earned my first paycheck! (From my 2 day stint as volunteer in the Asian Public Intellectuals conference in school last summer! haha NOT FROM MY OJT)

k, yan lang and ilalagay ko because... I'm shy. HA!

But I want to add these to my list:

- A sa kahit isang paper kay Max Pulan (ASAAA)

- tell Sir _____, "I love you without hope or agenda" sabay walk out.

- Climb a mountain. dream ko sumali ng LM but alam kong hindi ko kaya. HAHA

- Have a real out-of-town trip with my friends. loser ako that way.

- magkaroon ng abs, yo. (JUST LIKE BEFORE!!) kapal, feeling ko talaga may abs ako noon e.

- jaywalk across Katipunan Ave.

- magpakawala ng fish or turtles sa Meron fountain in front of the Rizal Lib. (I'll join my friends on this one!)

- sign up for a 3-day or 5-day retreat. hehe.

for the next metrowalk trip

2010-07-11T22:28:00.003+08:00

bakit ngayon ko lang na discover kung gaano ka-awesome ang Bones?!

Finally a criminal investigation series with just the right combination of wit, drama, gore and geekness.

2010-07-07T01:24:00.001+08:00

random

1. Masarap kumanta mag-isa sa kotse pag Bon Jovi ang nasa radyo. or Norah Jones. bipolar music taste.

2. I realized that you know your friend is really your friend when your iPod's in shuffle mode and you're not worried that an M2M or a cheezy country song will suddenly play.

3. In the hierarchy of pretentiousness, social science students are only second to those in the humanities. IN A GOOD WAY.

4. I think I've been having more and more faith in people, in myself, in the unknown, in God?! well at least not in the formal, Catholic sense of the word.

5. In relation to no. 4, I think that my short-lived life of agnosticism bordering on atheism was a product of intellectual laziness. Sooner or later, you just have to believe.

freshman 10 came in late

2010-07-07T00:19:00.006+08:00

I was digging up some old photos for my high school class' (TNHS 2007) facebook page. Can I just say, ang taba taba taba taba ko na now. :( yak, ang babaw ko lang? hahaha. but seriously, if you compare the college freshman me to the college senior me, I think I've visibly gained 30 pounds. or 40 (OA, 40 pounds). or whatever. FAACK.

I shall illustrate this further with photographs and timelines when I find the time.

------------------

I sorta-kinda-not really am back in my school's varsity team, (I don't really attend trainings) and I've been advised to get some kind of exercise and conditioning, to bring back my stamina and speed and all. I've taken this advise and translated it through my own diet transformation. This means that I no longer drink soda (except when I'm in the movies), avoid fast food drive thrus, and I've included del monte's fit 'n right to my grocery list. So "coach's excercise and diet instructions" = drinking a bottle of fit n' right as much as possible. EFFORT!!! NOT.

magaling. I think I'm going to jog again with Mikes and Jo. Not really for sports, but I think I have to lose some weight, for aesthetic and shallow purposes to suit my own satisfaction.

yuck, oh my gaah, this is like-uh my vainest and like, most self-conscious blog post evar!

---------------------

The Max Pulan reading for the week: Bamboo Dancers by NVM Gonzalez

lesiure reading: Sickness unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard

Having a sense of history

2010-07-05T22:28:00.005+08:00

I think I've written something about this before -- about our lack of appreciation for our own history. Look at our street names, they change every so often that their meaning and significance are disregarded altogether to make way for self-loving politicians(whose only achievements in Congress, by the way, are changing street/barangay names and school names.), using the Spanish-are-evil rhetoric.

Stopping the teaching of Spanish in high schools and universities was a move against ourselves. The majority of our farking history is in Spanish! How would one really -- as in REALLY -- understand primary sources?? Some things get lost along the way if you translate. Seriously, compare Spanish to English, the latter's very flowery while the former's very economical. Kaya huwag ka nang magtaka kung bakit yung dating ng Tagalog minsan, laging parang pang drama sa radyo. Kasi ganoon ang Espanyol. Ganoon ang karanasan natin, kaya nasasalamin na rin siya ng wika.

The Philippine revolution and the apex of national consciousness spanned during the latter part of the 19th century until the American resistance of the 20th. What were the language of our revolutionaries? SPANISH. Aguinaldo made a deal with the Americans, supposedly agreeing that they've recognized our freedom from Spain. What language did he know? Spanish and Tagalog. He didn't know how to speak English, okay. I guess that's why he was misunderstood and why the country was undermined. hahahaha. haaay. :(

A people that has got as far as Baudelaire in one language was being returned to the ABC's of another language; and the young men writing in the 1900s would find that their sons could not read them. The fathers spoke European, the sons would speak American.

- La Naval de Manila, Joaquin

Anyway, here's more from Nick Joaquin's La Naval de Manila.

... But the past can become "usable" only if we be willing to enter its spirit and to carry there a reasonably hospitable mind. As long as we regard it with hatred, contempt, and indignation, so long will it remain hateful and closed to us. Like a mirror (to borrow Aldous Huxley's image of the Future), it will meet us with spears if we advance towards it with spears. And as long as we remain estranged from it, so long will we remain a garish and uncouth and upstart people, without graces because without background. Henry James has noted what an infinite amount of history it takes to form even a little tradition, and what infinite amount of tradition to form even a little taste. Merely from his viewpoint, the aesthetic one, it should be instantly apparent how little we can afford to spare a single one of our four hundred years of conscious history. Towards our Spanish past, especially, it is time we became more friendly; bitterness but inhibits us; those years cry for a fresher appraisal.

To accuse the Spanish, over and over again, of having brought us all sorts of things, mostly evil, among which we can usually remember nothing very valuable "except, perhaps," religion and national unity, is equivalent to saying of a not very model mother that she has given her child nothing except life. For in the profoundest possible sense, Spain did give birth to us -- as a nation, as an historical people. This geographical unit of numberless islands -- this mystical unit of numberless tongues, bloods and cultures called a Filipino -- was begotten of Spain, is a Spanish creation. There is as great a gulf between pre-Spanish drift of totem-and-taboo tribes and our present existence as one people as there is between protoplasm and a human creature. The content of our national destiny is ours to create, but the basic form, the temper, the physiognomy, Spain has created for us . . .

For three and a half centuries we lay within the womb of Spain; the Revolution was our violent birthl and in th ebitterness with which we have ever since regarded the great and tragiv nationa to whom we owe so much, Freudians may read a parallel to that obscure enmity that haunts the relations of even the most loving son with his father -- an enmity that perhaps voices the resentment of matter that has been wrenched out of its sleep and burdened with consciousness. It is just such a resentment -- most vividly expressed in the poetry of Housman ("Oh, why did I awake? When shall I sleep again!") -- that underlies much of our present, vengefulness towards the Spanish. . .

---------

on a lighter note, I think I'm spreading myself too thin. I'm slacking off, with my org and other responsibilities. :( FOCUS!!

AAAND, I finally found a copy of de Botton's Art of Travel!! :D

to end this post, here's a quote from my conflict studies class (yes, naging conflict studies e) with Amba. She was explaining the absence of formal moral codes in the Shinto philosophy. Thanks to Kim for diligently quoting her on Twitter. hahaha.

Kris Aquino is amoral. If you talk to her about morality it's like you're talking to a wall. Ambassador Manalo.

winner.

something from Isumbong mo ang Wang Wang Dito's facebook page.

2010-07-04T23:45:00.004+08:00

WHAT ABOUT... NO.

I still love you kahit 4-nil

2010-07-04T04:00:00.005+08:00

:(( STILL CRYING INSIDE. punyeta.

I cried when Germany scored a goal just three minutes into the first half. murder. sobrang murder. 4 - 0 WHAT THE HELL. It was also the first time I saw Angela Merkel smiling ang laughing. Good for her. At least she has something to take her mind off the recession and how her entire country is funding the EU.

:((

let me give you all a hug.

p.s. I thought about putting "Don't cry for me Argentina" as this post's but decided against it because it sounded so tacky. haaay.

to infinity and beyond

2010-07-02T23:04:00.003+08:00

Saw toy story 3 in 3d today. Guess that marks the end of an era. :(

--------------------------------------------------

ARGENTINA GERMANY TOMORROW.

Lionel has the flu. Maradona did not let him attend training. HE BETTER BE ABLE TO PLAY OR ELSE IIYAK NA LANG AKO.

Argentina vs Deutschland

2010-06-29T03:01:00.005+08:00

4 days to go !! And I still need an Argentina shirt to wear for the match on Friday. I've been to two Adidas shops today and all they have are apparels from Spain, Brazil, England, France and Germany. What's up with that? And they're all cramped up in one corner. Can we get over the NBA finals already??? Don't display world cup tarps in front of your shops if you don't have the merchandise!

------------------------------

Messi's so adorable. The ball is tied to his foot and he can run away with it anywhere he wants. It was funny how the commentator kept on shouting, "here come's Messi, little Messi, little wonderful Messi!" during the Mexico game. hahaha.

He has yet to make his first goal for this world cup, but I don't care. He made 14 goals possible and that's most than any other player!!

Pilipinas, please develop a football program!! Let's all hope Pacquiao can at least allot support for our sporting teams during his stay in Congress! hahahaha

---------------------

football is beautiful if you let Messi have the ball.

- Diego Maradona

since I'm blogging again,

2010-06-28T00:33:00.008+08:00

Remember how I had to take the Philippine novel class instead of the American literature class because I ran out of slots? Initially, I wanted to be in the American lit class because I thought that since I read most of the books in the reading list, I wouldn't have to do much work for the class.

So anyway, I finished reading Maximo Kalaw's The Filipino Rebel yesterday. It's the first book Pulan assigned us and I enjoyed it immensely. It isn't really a literally marvel in terms of prose and art but the message and the topic was interesting. It was published during the late 1920s, when the American colonial government was controlling the country. I've always been bothered about how the USA betrayed Aguinaldo's government after how the Filipinos supported the Americans during the Spanish-American war thinking they're liberty-loving government would help the Philippines' push for national independence. Filipinos died for that war. Not one American casualty was recorded and the bulk of McKinley's forces came in only after the fighting, just in time to push the Filipinos out of Manila, grab the city, and make a fool out of them. (Take note at how American history books refer to the proceeding Philippine-American war as the Philippine Insurrection, presupposing that they had the established government, not that of Aguinaldo's.)

The what ifs surrounding us if only America left us to our own devices after we declared our independence from the Spaniards after 300 plus plus years are numerous and it really could've done a lot in terms of establishing our identity and in preserving the optimism and motivation our people had. But no. That didn't happen. We proceeded from one colonizer to the next. With our politicians having to work under the Americans. With them having to please the people of Washington while at the same, push for independence. Well that was destructive. It encouraged patronism in politics and didn't put value in integrity. Fighting for independence during war is easier than fighting for one during peace.

Isn't it funny how the US colonial government labeled Aguinaldo a criminal because he continued to not recognize America's sovereignity over the islands. But after Aguinaldo surrendered and took the oath of allegiance at gun point, they call him a great patriot, noting his "dignified bearing", "excellent qualities," and "humane instincts."? I think that and similar actions did a lot to deter the country from forming an identity.

Read the book. It's only 200 pages.

It's interesting to note how our novels and how our literature, in general, are very much linked to our country's history of nation-building.

I've never read Filipino fiction from before the 90s. Well except Rizal's Noli and El Fili. There's a lot of books to read and discover. I'm so glad I took this class.

____________________________

of football and losing things

2010-06-27T23:25:00.006+08:00

World Cup

Just watched the game between England and Germany with Die Mannschaft beating the English at 4 -1. Will I ever live to see the Philippines play at the world cup? Hmm, fat chance seeing how we're ranked at 160 something. The last time I recall watching a football game with a team from the Philippines was years ago when we hosted the ASEAN games. Why do we insist on developing a basketball team when we neither have the height nor the built to compete internationally?

I've been following the games ever since the WC started weeks ago. The time difference means the live games get shown here from 10:30 pm until dawn. heh.

I'm rooting for Argentina, because of Lionel Messi and Diego Maradona. haha. I hope they win later against Mexico. The winner will meet with Germany for the quarterfinals.

Notebook

Lost my notebook in school (OR ALONG KATIPUNAN AVENUE) last Friday. The story behind it is something. Super hassle because I have all my notes for all my classes in it, plus readings for my Lit class. Oh well, guess I should be less bv about it. I'd rather lose it now while I'm still two weeks into the semester rather than later.

So here it goes.

I had a two hour break before my lit class (the class I'm taking for fun, yes that's what I'm calling it now.), so I thought I should go to the coffee shop across my school and finish the book I need to read before class. Also, it would be nice to escape from the heat and humidity, seeing how Ateneo lacks in ACs. So off I went. As I was parking in Starbucks, I realized I didn't have my wallet with me. All I had was thirty pesos of loose change and my bag of Doritos chips. Obviously not enough for anythiiiing. So I decided, "why don't I just go to petron, grab a bottle of coke and hang out there with my doritos and Max Kalaw's Filipino Rebel." K, sounds like a plan. I park in Petron and as I was gathering my things, I noticed I didn't have my notebook. THEN BAM, flashback. Earlier, when I was in one of the parking lots in school, before I left ateneo for coffee and badly needed airconditioning, I remembered that I put my notebook on THE ROOF OF MY CAR because I had to use both arms to search for my keys in my bag. uughhh. estupido.

I called my friends and I went back to Ateneo to look for it. It was amusing to see the guards' reaction when I ask them if they saw any notebook around. I told them how I forgot that I left it on top of my car. Kala ata nila pinagtritripan ko sila.

Something like this happened to me late last year too. I was exiting one of the parking lots when a car blocked the drive way going out. I was annoyed and I was actually preparing something to say to him. I was honking my horn and he finally drove by and slowed down to stop adjacent to my car. The window slided down and I thought I was going to have to confront the driver or something. So I pressed my windows down and was about to say something until the guy pointed upwards and said, "uuh, may books sa taas ng car mo." (uuh, there are a couple of books on top of your car), He said it in the politest way possible haha so ayon, napahiya lang ako deep inside. So napatawa na lang ako and nag thank you sa kanya.

People never learn. I should stick a layer of velcro on top of my car and on my things to avoid things like this from happening.

_______________________

"Filipinos are football orphans, forced to root for other countries because we don't have a team to call our own"

- Ricky Carandang

Well, as a friend in Twitter likes to say, it's about supporting the world. HAHAHAHAHA.

2010-06-24T01:41:00.002+08:00

season 4: WANT/NEED

senior year!

2010-06-01T23:35:00.004+08:00

I originally had 15 units this coming semester since I already took an elective class last year. So I signed myself up for an extra lit subject for fun. My original plan was to take American literature because I need 6 extra literature units for fun. (because I'm suddenly not sure ABOUT ANYTHING) but I ran out of slots so I dialed up the department to ask for another class and I took lit 165, given that it had the same schedule. Then I found out Max Pulan's teaching the class. As my friend Krix said ( o ha, cinacite kita), he's the Chuck Norris of literature. I guess good professors > grades and easy As.

I was doing the enlistment while I was at work so you can just imagine how insane I must have looked like in the office. See, Ateneo enlistment time is a blood bath. People kill each other for the good classes.

Random numbers aren't random. I'm always in the last batch. My schedule's okay except that I ran out of slots for this one class so I had to take the Saturday schedule.

omggggg. WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFFFE. one last year!!! I'm just taking everything I can to keep all the options open after this year. mag JVP na lang kaya ako para masaya.

I'm becoming less and less certain about everything.

senior syndrome? no. masyadong corny ang senior syndrome. ang tawag dito, existential crisis. para cool.

p.s. Tomorrow's my last OJT day!!!! YESSSSSSS

2010-05-13T22:58:00.003+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C-!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

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I need to go around a little bit more. Aklan is the southernmost part of the country I've ever been. how lame.

A list of places I need to go before I graduate (which is less than a year from now!!):

1. Batanes - batanes > new zealand for shizzle

2. Sagada - medyo may 1098098374839 cousins lang ako jan at di pa ko nakakapunta. I've only been to Bontoc.

3. Albay/Sorsogon. para makumpleto ko na Luzon. (except palawan)

yeah, yun lang. practical places to go to, using practical means of land transport and allowance money. except batanes. Anyways, why the freaking hell is it more expensive to go around the Philippines than go to, say, Macau? or Bangkok?

what is oversharing

2010-05-06T23:12:00.015+08:00

I'll be voting for the first time on Monday!!

Kodigo ko para sa Monday. Sana lang matuloy ang eleksiyon.

President & VP: Benigno Aquino III & Manuel Roxas (Liberal)

Senators:

Risa Hontiveros (Liberal)

Ferdinand Marcos Jr. (Nacionalista / KBL)

Martin Bautista (Liberal)

Yasmin Bursan-Lao (Liberal)

Neric Acosta (Liberal)

Alex Lacson (Liberal)

Party list:

Akbayan

For the local elections, I'll probably be voting for those on the Liberal Party's slate. hindi naman ako masyadong partisan no?

( Oh and yeah, I won't really fill all the 12 slots for the senatorial positions. )

I've been reading the international newspapers and seriously, everyone thinks those voting for Aquino are naively throwing away the next six years. The Economist even appears to favor Villar more. Boo. The thing is, you shouldn't be covering Philippine news from a desk in Hong Kong or Singapore. The Economist, same with the Financial times and IHT, portray Aquino as the incompetent candidate whose only claim to fame are his parents and his loud sister. But I think I've had it enough with "competent" candidates and all their credentials. Arroyo was very much competent, she had the education, she had the experience. Look where it got us? Seriously, can you blame him for having famous parents? We are products of our time. Our needs our contingent. The solution to those needs are contingent as well. Noynoy's readiness for the presidency happened due to certain events and I don't take his lack of experience and the lack of enthusiasm he initially had until late last year for the presidential seat against him.

The next 6 years are crucial. I believe Aquino and Roxas' leadership would stir us towards the right direction. Gusto ko ng lider na hindi tratratuhing tanga ang mga Filipino. Sa tingin ko magiging consultative at attached sa grass roots ang magiging administration nila. Sa tingin ko rin, rerespetuhin naman nila na may social contract at accountable pa rin sila sa'tin. At the same time, naniniwala rin ako na kaya nilang gawin na competetive ang bansa, industriya at mga tao natin; na kaya nilang gumawa ng localized solutions for global problems (thomas friedman much.). basta. boboto ko sila.

Wala na akong pakialam kung hindi niyo sila feel basta bumoto lang rin kayo ng feel niyo. Tapos sana after ng lahat, tanggap natin kung sino man manalo para di na tayo masyadong naghihirap. Pero feeling ko talaga di ko matatanggap pag si Villar ang naging presidente ng Pilipinas. Magpapakamatay na lang ako. NAT. pero gets.

anyway

"Ganun na lang kaimportante na ang mga pinuno ng kolektibo ay marunong makinig sa mga saloobin ng indibidwal na persona at maging tinig ng mga tao sa publikong diskursyo. Nasa kanyang panghihikayat ang ikatitibay ng pamayanan. Ang kaunlarang pambansa ay salubungang kilos ng mga indibidwal ng pagsisikap sa baba at suporta at pagkakataon sa itaas."

- one of the thesis statements for my philosophy finals last semester

sana lang talaga walang failure of elections. :(

----------------------------------------------

countdown before OJT ends: 138 hours left. ugh.

Driving all the way to Makati's such a hassle. Primarily because everything's hella expensive there: parking; canteen food; blah. AND TRAFFIC. It took me two hours to go home. I left at 8pm and EDSA's still teeming with cars that go wherever they want. The painted lanes are just a suggestion.

Sigh. But all the time that I spend stuck in traffic are also good. I think its one of those rare moments when you can just think alone. Fair.

------------------------------------------

Summer is about freedom. It’s about the sunlight, the beautiful sunsets, the starry nights, the long walks, the bike rides and the hours spent wasting time as if you were forever young. Most of all, summer is about self-discovery. If you could spend one summer doing anything with your favourite person, how would you spend it? What would you do?

I'd spend it driving around Luzon or anywhere away from Manila with people I love.
Self-discovery comes more naturally when the the unfamiliarity of a place encourages you to develop your subjectivity.

2010-05-02T00:49:00.004+08:00

because the only cure for panic and anxiety is to be here, to live in the now.

And I'm starting to really believe that it's how it should be. And the only way I can say that I'm right here and that all this is real.

"How can you be certain? You live as if that uncertainty is certain."

2010-04-15T03:07:00.005+08:00

heeeeeheeee. I still love him in spite of his douchebaggery and in spite of the sucky concert venue.

Can only afford to go for Bronze seats though! HAHA

2010-04-03T16:36:00.004+08:00

I found myself something to read here. (Left my Kindle back in Manila soooo....) Okay, funny how I bother to blog about stuff like this while leaving out the more fun aspects of my life. Well, I mostly blog when I have nothing to do or when I feel like reflecting and all. Now's the I-have-nothing-to-do time. It's 1:40 in the morning. I bought Milan Kundera's Identity and the consolations of philosophy by de Botton. I'm haflway through Kundera's book and this is the first time I'm going to read one of her works. I'll write more about it next time.

The Barnes & Nobles here isn't that well-stocked. :|

Ooh, we went to The Strip last night. Got to see the Las Vegas of my imagination, albeit a little bit smaller. Got to shop at H&M. happy happy. may pantalon na ko, bow.

I'm finding the desert somewhat rehearsed. basta, gusto kong magreflect about this, as in, in comparison with the last US trip we had and everything in between kaso tinatamad ako. howell. next time next time.

hi

2010-04-02T11:03:00.007+08:00

hello. so this is my last summer as a student. :( hahahaha. next year, I'll be part of the unemployed! saya.

- got past the jet lag. well, sa tingin ko naman masyado ng weird ang sleeping patterns ko to be vulnerable to jet lags.

- I only brought one pair of pants dahil kung kaibigan kita, alam mong wala talaga kong pantalon.

- spent most of the time sleeping and just lounging around the house.

- twenty more days of vacation before I go back for work!!

it's a party in the USA. NAAAAAT. :))

How do you not get fat here.

Uncle Chanday's birthday.

Red's too cool to be smiling in pictures. sorry na.

oh, dahil gusto ko talaga yung wimbledon shirt ko, please allow me to post these. HAHA. thanks uncle Nas! haha

2010-03-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

2010-03-04T01:11:00.003+08:00

I see you there,

Don't know where you come from,

Unaware but you're still from someone,

Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you,

What's your name? Cause I have to know it,

You let me in and begin to show it,

I'm terrified cause you're headed straight for it,

Might get it,

- say when, the fray

ang intense ng song na 'to no?

--------------------------------------------

- I think finals week just started a few weeks earlier.

- I had two glasses of milk tonight. I don't want my bones to wither. Alam mo yung paranoid?

- I have French orals next on top of everything. !@#$%%^ merde merde merde merde merde merde merde merde.

- Apat na araw ng delayed yung matanglawin shit ko.

- Gusto ko nang matulog.

- Ano ang point?

- Alam mo yung feeling na sobrang ang hirap ng bumawi dahil one month na lang?

- Pft.

- Alam mo yung feeling nang pagtutunggalian na dulot ng sinasabi nila na hindi raw nakatuon ang pagkatao mo sa mga pagsasakonsepto tulad ng mga grades pero sa totoo lang, hinuhusgahan ka naman talaga ng mundo base sa mga grado at mga nakamit mo?

- Weird, kasi ang point daw ay maging masaya. Tapos weird dahil pag nagbalik-tanaw ka naman, hindi mo naman matatandaan mga grades mo. Matatandaan mo, mga sinabi sayo ng prof mo, mga pag-uusap niyo ng mga kaibigan mo, mga okay na food places, mga natutunan mo.

bwiset, ang corny.

- Alam mo yung ang dami mo pang gustong i-rant dito sa blog mo pero wag na lang dahil incriminating yata? Kaya magrarant na lang ako in real life with real people.

An Education

2010-02-25T01:04:00.008+08:00

How perverted could one's values be? I'm sorry sobrang pinanood at nakita ko 'tong movie through the filters ni Max Scheller (salamat philo).

HELLO. GRADES VS LEARNING. EDUCATION AS MERE UTILITY VS IT BEING A MIND/SPIRIT THING. PWEDE BA.

I know this won't win the Best Picture during the Oscars but can I still root for this?

update on my mission to watch all movies nominated for the Academy awards (best picture):

Avatar, ~~The Blind Side~~, District 9, ~~An Education,~~ ~~The Hurt Locker~~, Inglourious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, ~~Up in the Air~~

I still haven't seen Wolfman! :( The reviews say it sucks but I still want to see iiiiit. Benicio del Toro and Emily Blunt!

2010-02-25T00:36:00.002+08:00

You can't call it home until you see it as your point of orientation. Until you don't measure the distance of something by measuring the physical space of where you are and where this point is.

Until now, I don't know where north is. Funny, I never really noticed where the sun rises and sets too. Rarely do I actually look up and notice the cosmos here anyway. Which is why I can at least narrow down the destinations these planes might land.

I have to be up tomorrow at 5 in the morning. Yet again.

Sitting outside at 12 midnight,one thing I want to know is what the people on the planes that float away against this clear dark sky are thinking. Airports and terminals are always some of my favorite places.

I know planes sometimes make U-turns just after take off and orient themselves to the direction their actual flight plan is taking, which would then make all my wondering invalid. But whatever.

How to describe this semester:

then after all these initial anger and frustration would be buckets of tears.

But I think a lot of growing happened. And friends and learning. and all that jazz.

Pero kahit na. bwiset. ang daming lamok. or kung ano man tong mga insects dito.

2010-02-10T23:33:00.008+08:00

How 'bout posting pictures instead because that's easier.

Model United Nations. Lebanon reprezent! Hello Israel.

Jean's birthday party for the "north" people. thank you Bea's house.

happy place.

aaaand: Job interview with the European Chamber of Commerce yesterday morning. Hassel sa massel pumunta ng Makati. *No picture! obviously.

2010-02-03T00:03:00.003+08:00

need to download/pirate/ watch lotsa movieeeess^! Saktong sakto lang ang combination at genres ng movie choices ko.

Saw the announcement of oscar nominees a while back on CNN. Out of the ten (yes, TEN!) nominees for best picture, I've only seen two -- The Blind Side and Up. :( pero wala akong balak panooring ang Avatar kahit ano ang mangyari. Or baka panooring ko siya after ten years like how I only saw Titanic three years ago.

Oh, the movies I posted above are just part of my own movie list, they're not the oscar nominees. Google it if you want to find out.

2010-01-31T00:08:00.006+08:00

1. So my life has been a lot better now that I started getting some sleep. aah, the upsides of dengue.

2. Justine Henin lost today. :( I'll be cheering for Roger Federer in the men's finals.

3. I WILL SEND OUT MY RESUMES THIS COMING MONDAY. I SWEAR. I NEED TO FIX MY FUTURE.

4. Watched the first two episodes of Grey's Anatomy season 6. I initially planned on not watching it until the entire season's over so that I can get a complete DVD of it in Metrowalk, thus enjoy an undisrupted Grey's Anatomy marathon. Downloaded a torrent of the first two today anyway. Can't get past an episode of that show without crying. HA. Kind of makes you want to be a doctor. pero no.

Too many corners in my mind

2010-01-22T14:06:00.002+08:00

Aaaand I'm back. :) and I'm thinner. and my QPI is going down the drain.

Did nothing but die and watch the Australian Open on TV for daysssss.

I love my parents.

HAHA.

2010-01-13T10:44:00.002+08:00

The titanic in LST would have to be the most beautiful place in Ateneo at 5 o'clock in the morning. :)

My orals was... meh. :|

I wanna sleeeeeeep

because I learn half of life's lessons through the television

2010-01-12T19:44:00.005+08:00

Kids,

You may think that your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face. But there is a third option, you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.

- Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother (“Happily Ever After” 4x06)

at kung, dahil nga sa marginalization, ang naiiwan lamang na opsyon ay: tumahimik dahil wala namang nangyayari o di kaya'y isipin na "okay, makikigulo ako", ang pangatlong opsyon na prinepresenta na rin ng isang liberal culture ay magparaya.

double header: philo and theo orals. woohooo.

2010-01-11T22:59:00.005+08:00

Rorty readings on contingency in a nutsehell:

Everyone believes

From emptiness to everything

Everyone believes

And no one's going quietly

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this

If belief is what we're fighting for

courtesy of John Mayer

To make things easier, read pol sci readings on constructivism instead.

-----------

update on my (non-school-required, for-pure-leisure-lang-talaga) reading list:

done with the making of the Igorot and Japan views the Philippines. Will start with The purging of Muslim Spain after my orals!

2010-01-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

hello spanish kids, I've been listening to Nelly Furtado's Mi Plan album. actually, tatlong songs lang tapos paulit-ulit. hahaha. Manos al aire, bajo otra luz and mas. at namemorize ko na ang chorus ng mas. HAHAHAHA. Medyo pareho ang words nila sa French. And I took that 1 month Spanish program in UP a bazillion years ago so medyo gets. ish.

Actually, I just love the Spanish lisp. Like how they say BarTHelona.

After nito, 99 Luft Balloons naman para German.

Back to my theology notes!!

2010-01-11T18:06:00.002+08:00

ohemgeeeeeeee. GAAAAAAAME NA 'TO!

2010-01-10T18:27:00.001+08:00

What a perfect time to get sick. :|

2010-01-09T05:45:00.008+08:00

hindi ako makatulog. kaya gagawa ako ng movie review.

Before Sunset

This movie comes off naturally thanks to the two main leads and to the techniques utilized by the director. I have no intention of being all technical, but I want to point out the importance of the long takes he used. Also, I didn't notice the time because of how seamless the story was flowed out. I saw this around November.

I think that for one to appreciate the merits of Before Sunset, you have to see the prequel first, Before Sunrise. It's interesting that the time of Ethan Hawke's and Julie Delpy's character are the same with real time. The first movie was made about 10 years before the sequel was released. The characters also aged accordingly. The same goes for the movie time. The storyline only takes place about 2 hours -- as the length of the film did.

There was a limited number of people used for both movies, mainly centered on the conversations shared by Jess and Celine. Their topics are very existential. I must say that at times it sounds cliche but it's forgivable given some interesting insights shared by the characters every couple of lines or so. You have to watch it to see how raw and genuine the film and the characters are.

The shift of focus in their conversations in both films is also something to take note of. From a very internal and personal angsty stuff about their own lives to a general view about the world and humanity in the second movie.

Parang 500 days of summer lang: Before Sunset is not a love story, it's a story about love. HAHAHA. The ending remains open for interpretation though. Maybe a third movie in the future?

----------------------

2010-01-09T00:05:00.005+08:00

Don't you think we ought to know by now?

Don't you think we should've learned somehow?

my dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

---------------------------

Inspired by Krix's blog, I'll publish my own reading list here in this blog too. I do have a shelfari but I never really updated my account there. so hassle.

I don't really have the liberty of time this month because of the upcoming orals/midterms and tennis games (meaning lots of time wasted in front of the TV and the internet tracking scores and news). So here's for what's left of January:

1. The Making of the Igorot by Gerard A. Finin

2. Blood and Faith: the purging of Muslim Spain by Matthew Carr (thanks Uncle Nas! :D)

3. Japan Views the Philippines, 1900-1944 by Lydia Yu-Jose

4. Symposium by Plato

Yeah, I'll keep it at four muna.

oh and my theo orals is at 5:30 in the morning next week. medyo madaling araw lang naman kasi yun.

2010-01-08T03:22:00.002+08:00

Forever shall I be the ill-fated type?
Forever must I be the one you confide to?
Forever must I be the pages you need for you to write all your secrets that you hope I would keep?
Forever must I drive you home late at night after watching these films that seem to imitate life?
Forever must I be the opinion you seek?
And forever will I be friend that you will keep?

- Movie, spongecola, 2006

Jologs ba? HAHAHA

Not that I relate to the song or anything. My life doesn’t really hold that much drama. The song played while I was reading Appleyard and the last part just sounds very climatic. Ahh, the times when I wish I could sing such songs with as much intense emotions.

NAT.

Imma go and buy myself some feelings this year. Speaking of, there are sales everywheeere! Game, habang may pera pa ako. BAHAHAHA.

Looking at my planner, I realize if only I could fast forward past next week, life would be so grand. Aaaand, the Australian Open is just around the corner too! I dunno, but for all of Wimbledon's classiness and history, I always look forward for the Australian Open with a different kind of feeling. It's just a happier tournament. Goes perfectly with every new year.

I was stalking Miguel Syjuco's facebook today. and I've said this many times, I want one miguel syjuco por favor.

in the more important side of things:

I need to send out my resumes alreadyyyyyyyy.

yes, I don't really blog very coherently.

home is where you can poop anytime you want

2010-01-06T03:00:00.003+08:00

please forgive the gross (but true) title.

I just want to share a winner quote from my cousin, Adi. He said this while he was sharing chismis about the recent grand alumni homecoming my high school had during the holidays. I wasn't able to attend because I was here in Manila the entire time.

Everyone who goes back to Tabuk, for the time being, all become suddenly single. (Tanquieng, 2010)

(in verbatim, actually)

True that, true that. hahaha.

2010-01-05T04:31:00.007+08:00

On my way to school this morning, I heard this Spanish song on the radio by Nelly Furtado. After googling some phrases I could actually make out and understand, found out that the title's manos al aire. Wala lang. I would download it right now if my internet could. No hablo Espanol pero it sounds happy. I think it's about.... war. Yes, because the only thing I can understand from the song is the first line of the chorus: Y yo no tengo armas blah blah. and the title.

It would've been nice if the government did not decide to scrap Spanish in the official curriculum of all high schools and universities here in the Philippines. People should stop associating anything Spanish with all the atrocities some of them did during the 300 odd years they were here. First of all, majority of all first hand accounts of our country's surviving written history is in Spanish. Rizal's novels were also written in Spanish. It's not a sign of the sustenance of Spanish colonialism because hello, if that's the argument then what difference does English have?

It's about having a closer sense of history which we obviously lack. (look at how our road signs change every couple of years or so. the significance behind the names and the richness of the story get lost along the way.)

Since I'm talking about history, I bought this book in the LS bookstore before going to the hospital to visit my brother. The title's "The making of the Igorot: Contours of Cordilleran consciousness". I thought it would be interesting to read about your people's own history. It's written by an American peace corps volunteer who lived in Abra for a couple of years. He eventually learned Ilocano and Itneg thourgh his interactions and was able to go around the region and all. It's hard to put the book down. Most readers from the place would probably know most of the people he cited in his book. haha. really really interesting. worth the price. It's pretty amazing how a very stratified group of peoples eventually regarded themselves as a single "type". Even to the extent that a call for autonomy is capable of rising up.

I could sort of relate to his references and found myself amused at some of his observations (i.e. how the frequency of drinking among Igorots, which appear too much on the lowlander, is a social norm. Drinking, may it be the local tapoy, basi or the imported ones from the lowlands, was treated a typical form of socialization and was also used to show camaraderie; the discrimination Cordillerans endured from people who, to begin with, weren't really from the region etc; highlander-lowlander divide; the dynamics of Igorot identity)

The sense of solidarity he kept on describing in his points is actually very true. All Igorots seem to know each other. My barkada back in high school, if you trace their genealogy or whatever, you find a couple of similar ancestors and shiz.

Okay, I think I got carried away. I was only talking about Nelly Furtado a minute ago.

--------------------------

I'm having my theology and philosophy oral exams next week. :| oh what joy.

Nevertheless, 2010 shall be greaaaaaaat. 8D

some sufjan stevens for the christmas cheer.

2009-12-22T05:47:00.002+08:00

first heard about him from my prof's tumblr site. hahaha.

such a happy song.

2009-12-21T04:30:00.005+08:00

1. Tears in the darkness: story of the Bataan death march & its aftermath by Michael and Elizabeth Norman

2. The architecture of happiness by Alain de Botton

3. Ayn Rand and the world she made by Anne Heller

4. Fatelessness by Irme Kertesz

5. Guns, germs and steel by Jared Diamond

6. The consolations of philosophy by de Botton

2009-12-19T15:45:00.002+08:00

Today is the start of my Christmas break.

See you all later tonight.

Happy Holidays.

John Mayer sings “Who Says” wearing a Christmas sweater on Live TV (Ellen Degeneres Show)

EPIC WIN.

2009-12-17T04:30:00.005+08:00

Rory: “Goodnight… Dodger.”
Jess: “Dodger?”
Rory: “Figure it out.”
(rory walks away)
Jess: “Oliver Twist.”
kiligkiligkilig. Book-reading bad boys win.

I WANT A JESS MARIANO

2009-12-17T01:36:00.003+08:00

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm,I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

- The Beatles, With a little help from my friends

Non-christmas shopping

2009-12-16T02:46:00.008+08:00

I went Christmas shopping today -- or so I originally planned. I think I've started late with this holiday gift hunting anyway and will probably not be able to get everyone presents. sigh. I suck at giving gifts. What makes it harder is that I usually spend so much time and energy finding what would be the most thoughtful and appropriate present for certain people that that investment usually leads to me getting certain things for myself mismo, instead of them being presents. Yeah, so it all defeats the entire purpose.

I went this evening after my class. I was supposed to just grab something for the potluck thing tomorrow and go home immediately because we have a dinner thing at home. And of course I ended up missing dinner. So little time so much to do.

I got Status Anxiety for myself. My prof recommended the book in class so when I saw it as I was browsing the shelves in fullybooked I decided to get a copy. I think it would do my present philosophical hang ups some good.

I read from Jessica Zafra's blog that Child44's a pretty good read. Depicts the atmosphere of distrust in Cold War Russia. or something like that.

Bought something from Zara because I think I deserve a gift myself. This is the first time I seriously spent this semester.

Still managed to get a gift for that thing tomorrow in spite of how this supposed christmas shopping ended up as personal shopping.

I refuse to be caught in the whole skeptical mentality of christmas being a capitalistic myth. Can the season please be happier?

2009-12-15T14:52:00.009+08:00

Wherever you are,

Whenever it's right,

You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

shhhiiieet.

but you got it wrong Michael Buble,

dahil,

soulmates do not exist. “meant to be”does not exist. there is no one person in the universewho was solely meant for you. because love is a choice, not a predetermined destiny.

“you were made to go out and get her!”

----------------------

didn't get Fr. Dacanay for my theo131 though. Our theo class is more on death rather than love. HAHAHA.

the holidays: tis the season for break ups. Tiger woods is only one among others. speaking of, can we just stop with all the Tiger Woods news. It's getting old.

2009-12-14T02:53:00.003+08:00

Jobi got this roll of "Fragile" tape from office warehouse and taped one on me the minute I got home from my Sunday-caffeinating-alone-time in starbucks. Dahil daw fragile ako. Must be all the emo, PMS-like frustration and existentialism shit I've been lashing out on him and on half of my friends, basically.

Yeah, then he started being his weird self and started sticking fragile tapes on the appliances and glass panels.

2009-12-13T13:20:00.001+08:00

Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

lost in translation, 2003

running in circles

2009-12-13T01:52:00.010+08:00

I've attended talks for the past week held by companies and by upperclassmen for this internship stint we're required to do for our major over the summer before senior year. I can't believe how soon this is all happening. I should be choosing which companies to be making cups of coffee for before this month ends so that I can send out my applications in January and get the interviews etc etc done before the end of March.

I'll probably apply in the European Chamber of Commerce. Or whichever chamber of commerce, they're all in the same building anyway. or the Department of Foreign Affairs. :| I'll just send out my CVs everywhere and wait for the phone to ring. so stressful: all this uncertainty I have about the future, work, adult stuff. I tried looking for the ASEAN office here in Manila but they're not even listed in the brochure my org distributed last week. I tried looking for it online but they appear to have no office whatsoever aside from a room of some kind in dlsu. The Asean should get their crap together. The United Nations-Philippines website is not working either. fail lang naman.

oh and guess what? The companies/organizations don't need a transcript of your grades. B( School org activities would get you employed. Yay for deciding to be active in my organizations this year.

I tried making a resume. Yeah, mine looks like crap compared to this random guy's resume which the Placement Office is giving out as a sample.

2009-12-13T00:45:00.002+08:00

2009-12-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

Bruises by Chairlift.

BV

2009-12-10T22:41:00.010+08:00

I signed myself up to head this exhibit thingamajig that should be set up by January. Err. yeah. something to drown myself into. It's supposed to be on election related violence, escalation to civil war and some genocide stuff. tanong: so alin naman kayang mga organizations ang pwedeng mag sponsor nito? medyo mahal lang naman ang mga tarps and posters and stuff. budget budget bluuues.

Jean & I were brainstorming for ideas on how to make the exhibit more dramatic and gut-wrenching. Dapat, bam! may ganong effect.

The holidays are making me feel like crap. It's like it magnifies how lonely you are. At least I can be lonely with my lonely friends, which would then negate the loneliness. (this is just sad). The world is getting more and more annoying and depressing.

here's what you shouldn't do: watch clips and look at pictures of genocides; pictures and news clips of the Maguindanao massacre; be all hung up on Heidegger's take on death; and watch more films about death; read about Sudan. then reflect on the rationale behind armed conflict instead of sleeping and decide to make long ass messages in the defense war and how right it can be in you philosophy class's google groups in the wee hours of the morning. then cap it all off by watching the concluding episodes of Life After People in the history channel which says that after a couple hundred years, everything will be erased anyway without human maintenance. --- all in the course of two weeks.

because:

1. it destroys your belief that the world values peace over self-interest

2. it destroys your faith in human beings

3. and posting messages in the defense of war makes me sound like an evil, hedonistic person.

My philosophy teacher posted back some questions about my stand and gave his two cents worth on it.

I guess this is where the importance of theo and philo comes in. I realized I've been analyzing events from a very detached and objectified view for them to actually mean anything.

I remember the scene from Dead Poets Society where Robin William's character makes his students stand up on his desk as his way of proving that there are unlimited ways of looking at a single thing; and that there are always new perspectives to discover about it.

After spamming the egroup, I took a couple of days to reevaluate how I look at things. I asked my theology professor how he would look at the goodness of nuclear proliferation given that it has seemed to be the most successful way of maintaining global peace. My theo prof made me realize that peace is not peace when it's only backed up by fear; that the option is not limited to annihilating people, even if it's motivated by humanitarian purposes; that there's always the option of peace, although it seems impossible; that just because humanity hasn't managed without war, it doesn't mean that choosing peace is not possible.

Gee, political theories and current events, thanks for making me into a horrible person and brainwashing me into making war okay.

So I've settled with the opinion that although wars can provide solutions to end civil war or genocide, this justification doesn't make it right.

bwiset.

(on a relatively lighter note) dear people behind the blue vote,

What do you expect to get out of this blue vote? That after the voting period you'll collate all the information you've gathered and say, "This is the Atenean vote"? You should all stop with your blue propaganda. It's all bandwagon and it marginalizes people okay. at isa pa, nakakainis yang mga "I vote for change" posters along with the other vague statements about change. Every one's running on change anyway since time immemorial.

Happy 150th birthday Ateneo

2009-12-10T11:41:00.003+08:00

Stuck in a royal mess and too pissed off to attend the sesquicentennial mass. And why is everyone in tumblr so bad trip? even fyHappy is pissed.

I'll see you later, school.

we float on okay

2009-12-10T02:45:00.003+08:00

Okay, natapos ko na ang matanglawin article. nalaman ko ngayong araw na you can't jog all the bad vibes away. Sasakit lang tiyan mo dahil ang dami mong kinain bago ka tumakbo. bobo. BV, mas okay pang tumigil nang dahil sa cramps at hindi sa vomit feeling.

Magpakaexistentialism shit na lang tayo at tumitig nang tumitig sa ceiling. John mayer therapy works with it too.

maaari bang um-emo sandali?

2009-12-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

There’s a breeze in the air

There’s a boat anchored out here

There’s a calm under the waves

As I choose to sink

- Calm under the waves, Maria Mena

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends

2009-12-10T00:07:00.009+08:00

1. matanglawin article on political parties (na 2weeks ng delayed) B(

2. Kemp economic model. (na di ko pa rin gets)

3. Christmas gifts for people. aaargh.

4. presentation for philosophy class (!!) how do you even say all those things within just 10 minutes?

5. French exam

6. and more non school stuff

7. org stuff

8. resume for ojt (???)

Theology is actually my favorite subject this semester. My prof is a fanboy. He's a jesuit brother. and some sort of graphic designer and a big movie buff. He makes really really cool powerpoints and explains theology in a more accessible and less intimidating way. So far, we haven't discussed Jesus. or God (directly). Mainly, about death, goodness/evil and yeah, death, all within the context of natural reason. It's like a more practical theology. He gives lots of quizzes and they're sorta tough, but it makes you think critically so I guess that's okay. His lectures also tie up with the discussions we're having in my philosophy class, so it's really useful. Makes me understand both subjects (and life!) better. (meganong drama)

I should really start getting the photo credits too when I copy them from tumblr or flickr and post them here.

-------------------------------------

and something for my next bookstore trip.

because it's Christmas. We all need a bit of anything Austen.

getting ready for ffff 2010

2009-12-09T11:07:00.001+08:00

A few words on the implementation of Martial Law in Maguindanao

2009-12-08T13:51:00.006+08:00

1. Military rule will probably spill over to some areas outside Maguindanao. The government won't find it hard to come up with another baseless justification for expanding its coverage.

2. HOW DO YOU EQUATE MULTIPLE MURDER, RAPE and HUMAN CRUELTY TO REBELLION? way to manipulate the law to work for you.

Arroyo can't give up the Ampatuans because they'd give her up too and tell all her dirty little electoral fraud secrets in the region.

and hey, here's the reason they've been waiting for to be able to declare Martial law. gujab.

So clever, our president is.

------------------------------

Jean, Aly and I interviewed Sir Max from PAHRA, a human rights group, earlier this morning for this thing we're doing for our philo class. It was one of the most profound conversations ever.

So enlightening. both philosophically and politically.

Also found out that unlike murder and rape, being convicted of rebellion is bailable. I'm not even surprised at how this case is turning out.

2009-12-07T23:44:00.004+08:00

I only had the chance to watch 'harapan" today. Gilbert teodoro is such a waste. I really do hope he would think and act outside Arroyo's wings, like what he's saying. Still voting for noynoy Aquino. Considering shifting to either Teodoro or Richard Gordon if Aquino doesn't do anything about hacienda luisita. Too many people running for president. Blogging with a phone is hard.